He's a Little Bit Country, She's a Little Bit...'Hood?

The older my mom gets, the funnier she gets. I have offically heard the funniest lines ever spoken by a 60-something year old W.A.S.P and they come from the mouth of my mother. If you know her, seen her, ever heard her voice you would understand why the following strikes me as funny.
1. Ben drove my mom's car by himself one time. My mom then uses the car and when she returns home she says to us: "Who ghetto styled my car?" I looked at Ben confused as to what she meant and Ben says "I leaned her seat back kind of far." Who would have thought she knew that car seats leaned way back is, in fact, pretty ghetto?

2. A couple of days ago, my mom left a message on our home answering machine. The message stated the following: (In thick Texas accent) "hey yaaa'lll. Just callin' to say hiiii! Just wanted to tawlk so when you get this message, holla at me." Ben looks at me, smiling, and says "Did she just say 'holla at me?'

I am not exactly sure where she is getting this but I have an idea. My mom goes to the prison every week where she volunteers with the chaplain and also has inmates she visits and will talk to for an hour a week and write to encourage them. The inmates are new Christians so she talks to them about God and other Bible related topics. But, they are still inmates so I think they are starting to rub off on her. That's my only explanation.

So, in short, my dad dresses like this.


And my mom speaks like a 20 year old black man

I must say, I love it.

Christmas in Pictures and the Return of a P.E. Coach

Ok, I know you are going to think I am out of my mind when I make my next statement but here goes: I think my 8th grade P.E. teacher is featured in Dave Ramsey's "The Total Money Makeover." Let me present my facts.
1. The picture. I know what you are thinking. "Holly, you were in 8th grade 15 years ago! Don't you think your teacher would look completely different now? Well, my answer is yes and, apparently no. If I remember correctly, this p.e. teacher was straight out of college so she was very young and would most likely look somewhat the same now. Also, I don't remember her last name but I know her first name was Suzanne and she was not married at the time so the last name would be different now anyway. I remember her first name because me and my friends made fun of her one time and she over heard us. She cried. We were in big trouble.
Exhibit A:


Exhibit B


Here you will see her name is Suzanne AND her job, PHYSICAL EDUCATION ASSISTANT. Also, she was right out of college when she was a coach at Franklin M.S. and her age listed in the book is 38. So, she would have been 23, 15 years ago which would make sense. Your honor, I rest my case. The witness is yours.

Does anyone out there know who I am talking about? Do you think this person is her?? If you can't see the picture very good go to your local bookstore, find the book, open to page 134 and see for yourself. Then, let me know your thoughts.


Moving on. We here at Macon Fun of the Grants are proud to announce that our beautiful and beloved house is currently under contract! Due to the state of the housing market, we put our house on the market 6 months before we need to move back to Texas and after 6 weeks the house sold (God willing). Full price! The guy who bought it is using a VA loan so the house still has to be appraised but we are very optimistic that it will appraise. We are closing January 30th so we are in the process of finding an apartment that will give us a short term lease, finding a storage unit and packing up the house. It is bittersweet because we love our house but we are so thankful that it sold in this market so quickly and at full asking price. GOD IS GOOD!

We had a wonderful Christmas. My in-laws, David and Cheri, came to spend the holiday with us and we had a fun, relaxing time. Here are some pictures to give you a better idea of how our days were spent. They were here from the 23rd to the 29th and it went by way to fast. I have the tendency to embarrass my loved ones with pictures on this very public forum so I will do my very best to not embarrass anyone...
Eleanor got into the Christmas spirit with her argyle sweater.

Since the weather in Georgia has been so hot, Ben thought the full Santa suit was a bit much for a "Southern Santa." I fixed that.

Some more Christmas cookies I made

I told Ben I hadn't eaten any of the Santa or candy cane cookies. Somehow, he new better. For some reason, this only happened to my teeth.

We worked on puzzles

Not a good idea to fall asleep while everyone else is awake.

Where's Waldo? Or in this case, Penelope.

Christmas morning. Santa comes to homes even when there aren't any kids around!

We have wonderful families who gave us a lot of great gifts. Eleanor, get your big butt out of the picture.

Eleanor begged David for everything on his plate. It might have something to do with him secretly dropping prime rib under the dining room table where Eleanor just so happened to be sitting.

All the cooks in the kitchen

One of the best meals ever! Prime rib, homemade sour cream mashed potatoes, roasted asparagus, Yorkshire pudding (the bread), salad and good wine. We were all in heaven!

The crew at dinner

LeRoy decided to make an appearance

The town we live in has one the larges aviation museums in the country. It was a lot of fun to see all the airplanes and memorabilia from past wars.

Behind every great woman, is a man who apparently needs a booster seat...

LeRoy and Ben. Freakin perverts.

We then went to Atlanta and visited the Georgia Aquarium. The aquarium is fascinating. All of the pictures of us were fuzzy so this is the least fuzzy. Thanks Cheri!

The day before David and Cheri left, we went to eat at a restaurant in Atlanta called "Bones." The next day was David's birthday so we did it up big! The restaurant was amazing. The Matre' d greeted David, wishing him a happy birthday. We had a private table and the best service.


The birthday boy

Ben and I at Bones

David and Cheri at Bones. David, you can't put the spoon down for just one picture?

All in all, a great time was had by all. I wish everyday was Christmas vacation.

A Christmas Picture only a Mother Could Love...

MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR FROM THE GRANTS!

It's a Family Feud kind of Christmas

I hope everyone is having a fun holiday so far. I love Christmas and get very excited about Christmas. These are some labor intensive cookies I made. I think it took me about two days to make the dough, cut them out, make the icing, put in the different colors of food coloring and then actually make them. Totally. Worth it.


My friend Jacy sent me this in an email so I thought I would make it into a post since it's pretty entertaining. Ok, these are Family Feud questions. If you need an idea to post on your blog then you can take this but you have to answer them with the first thing that comes to your mind and you can't use my answers.

1. Name something you use in the shower? Razor

2. Name something a football player wears under his uniform? cup

3. Name something people hate to find on their windshield? bird crap

4. What is something a man might buy before a date? condoms

5. What is another word for blemish? pimple

6. Something you cook in the microwave? popcorn

7. Name a piece of furniture people need help moving? piano

8. Name a reason a younger man might like an older woman? She's lonely and easy

9. Name something a dog does that embarrasses its owner? drag its butt across the floor

10. Name a kind of test you cannot study for? drug test

11. Name something a boy scout gets a badge for? camping

12. Name a phrase with the word home in it: "Don't be such a home-o-phobe."

13. Name a sport where players loose teeth: hockey

14. Name something a teacher can do to ruin a student's day? show up for class

15. What is a way you can tell someone has been crying? runny nose

16. Name a bird you wouldn't want to eat? vulture

17. Name something a person wears even if it has a hole in it? crotchless panties

18. Name something that gets smaller the more you use it? lipstick

This is a clip of my all time favorite Family Feud episode. It is actually called Family Fortunes in Great Britain (England, France, where ever it is) and this guy is the best contestant ever! Watch one of his family members face when it pans to them after he is finished. The guy looks like he wants to kill him!! You tube is sucking lately so you might need to press play, then pause it and let it run all the way and then watch it. It's worth it, I promise.

A Look Back

Please, don't be discouraged. I have returned. The Grants had a wonderful and relaxing Thanksgiving with my uncle Leroy, cousin Marie and her son Marcus. Ben and I cooked a big dinner and it was thrilling if I do say so myself. It is now a hectic month of work and I am trying to complete everything by the 22nd since my in-laws are coming on the 23rd for Christmas which we are super excited about. Cheri and David, my in-laws, were here last year for New Years. This trip also fell on David's fiftieth birthday. We always have a good time when we are together so if last year is any indication of how this year's trip will go, we will be having a good time. Here is last year, in pictures (and video). Ben and I got a pair of Leroy's old dentures and put them in a cup. We also borrowed a walker from Leroy. We had to make fun of David, I mean he was officially an old man. I think it's funny Leroy had all of these "old person" items sitting around his house. He even said he had a wheelchair if we needed one. Here is a video of David celebrating his birthday, old man style. Watch until the end. Classic Eleanor...


After one too many glasses of wine, Cheri decided to put balloons on her head.

After one too many glasses of wine, the rest of us said "Why Cheri, that does indeed look like fun."




We ate a really nice restaurant in Atlanta to celebrate the big 5-0 called Rathbuns.


For New Years, our friends Tucker and Erika decided to join in on the fun. They think we are Texas freaks. They think anyone from Texas is a Texas freak and I tend to agree with them so I made some Texas inspired cookies for the Mostellers to enjoy.


I decided we needed a picture of everyone before the ball dropped. I put the camera on the mantle and told everyone to get in the picture.

"Cheri, put down the bottle and get in position." (Classic Cheri-bottom left of pic!)

"Why isn't this working? Let me move the camera over so everyone is in the picture this time." "Hey, what happened to David?? At least Eleanor made it in this time."

Oops.

It's a Grant/Mosteller kind of New Year!


I cut my hair off. About 6 inches. It's been YEARS since I had short hair. Thoughts?


Oh yeah, and Penelope tried to pickpocket my cousin over the holidays.

She was exhausted after her crime spree so she decided to relax by the fire.

Longest Post EVER. Give it a Chance. You'll Like It.

I have had blog block. I have strained my brain to come up with something to talk about and there is just nothing there. My head is a big ball, sitting on my neck, and there is just not much going on up there. Wait. Did I just insult myself?

One of my clients, James, is in the hospital on a breathing tube and is not doing well. He is known to steal food and then cram it in his mouth and then swallow without actually chewing. This is actually a common problem amongst people with disabilties. I am not sure why but you have to really watch them and lock up the food at their homes. Anyway, James somehow stole a peanut butter sandwich in the cafeteria at the workshop he works at, went into the bathroom and ate it without swallowing. He came out of the bathroom, gagging and coughing and then collapsed. He has not breathed on his own since then. I am a social worker and this is a business where you obviously work closely with people who are in need in one way or another. I love my profession. I truly love working with indiviual's who are developmentally disabled but it does come with a price. One, is that you get attached to the people you work with. You become meshed in their lives and they depend on you to ensure they are safe and taken care of. I see my clients more then I see my own family and I am in their business more then I am my own friends. They depend on me more then anyone else does in my current world. It's difficult to see one hooked up to a breathing machine, dying. But saying that, the other price you pay working so closely to people in need is that you start to feel nothing. I worked for Child Protective Services for almost 3 years and still, when people say to me "I don't know how you could work there. I would want to bring all the children home with me" I think "Not me!!" Sexual abuse, physical abuse, neglect to an infant child has no emotional effect on me. Zero. And even as hard as it is to SEE James in the hospital, I don't really FEEL anything. At CPS, we would always say "We laugh so we don't cry." We would laugh about the most grim details of an abuse case. Even yesterday I was cracking jokes about James needing full physical support on a support scale we do for our clients (it determines how much money they receive) and how staff would tell me he really is no problem to them what-so-ever (you know, since he is lying in a hospital room in a coma) Get it? I think if we were to actually feel something when dealing with these types of issues we wouldn't last long in the business. Anyway, that is my "deep thought" for the day.
My long time friend, Jacy, sent me an email where you have to list things about yourself. I decided to put the list here.
1. What time did you get up this morning
8:00 a.m.
2. Diamonds or pearls?
diamonds

3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema?
Body of Lies. Helloooo, Leo DiCaprio. Could you be any sexier?

4. What is your favorite TV show?
The Office. and of course, Golden Girls.

5. What do you usually have for breakfast?
Cracklin Oat Bran and a cup of coffee

6. What is your middle name?
Leanne. I think according to the state of Georgia my middle name is actually Watts!

7. What food do you dislike?
Liver. My mom used to make liver and sweet potatoes every day (at least that's how I remember it). I also HATE viatnamese food much to my father-in-law's dismay.

8. What is your favorite CD at moment?
John Mayer-Where the Light is...Live in L.A.

9. What kind of car do you drive?
Chevy Blazer. When we move and Ben has a job I want to get a Nissan Murano.

10. Favorite sandwich?
Peanut Butter and Tupelo Honey

11. What characteristic do you despise?
People who are judgemental of people who are different then them.

12. Favorite item of clothing?
Jeans. I would wear jeans everyday if I could. Except when I gain weight and they get tight. Then they really suck.

13. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would
you go?
Greece. Umm, hello nude beaches anyone? Yeah, me neither.

14. Favorite brand of clothing?
J.Crew all the way

15. Where would you retire to?
Florida. The Villages retirement place. That is where Ben will be so I will be there with him! Golf course, ceramics, bingo, water aerobics...

16. What was your most recent memorable birthday?
My 29th I guess. It was a sad one because I am very close (too close) to having to say "I am thirty(fill in the blank with a number). Yeah, I'm one of those people.

17. Favorite sport to watch?
Easy one. Anyone who reads this blog knows this. MEN'S SWIMMING!!!

20. When is your birthday?
August 2, 1979

21. Are you a morning person or a night person?
Kind of both. I have been making an effort to get up early but I don't go to bed until after midnight. I could sleep in or get up early. I could go to bed early or late. Basically, I am both and that makes me perfect.

22. What is your shoe size?
It used to be 10 but lately it's been 9 1/2. Am I shrinking?

23. Pets?
Chihuahua-Eleanor, 6-toed cat-Fitzgerald, Cat from the Hood-Penelope

24. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share with us?
I haven't pooped in three days...YEAH!!!!

25. What did you want to be when you were little?
Honestly, at one time I said I wanted to be a maid. I dreamed big back then...

26. How are you today?
I am excellent. And yourself?

27. What is your favorite candy?
Heath bar

28. What is your favorite flower?
Pansies in my flower beds. Tulips in vases

29. What is a day on the calendar you are looking forward to?
Christmas!! I freakin LOVE Christmas!! And my in laws are coming for a week over Christmas so that makes it even better.

30. What is your full name?
Holly Leanne Watts Grant

31. What are you listening to right now?
The rain

32. What was the last thing you ate?
salad for dinner last night.

33. Do you wish on stars?
Not since I was 15.

34. If you were a crayon, what color would you be?
Black. I would be very slimming and would go with anything.

35. How is the weather right now?
Awesome. It's raining and I love the rain.

36. The first person you spoke to on the phone today?
No one yet but give it some time. My phone rings all day during the week because of work.

37. Favorite soft drink?
Coke but I drink Diet Coke.

38. Favorite restaurant?
Quiznos. I'm a high class girl.

39. What was your favorite toy as a child?
Barbies.

40. Summer or winter?
Summer. I want it to be cold around the holidays though.

41. Hugs or kisses?
This question is sooo cheesy. Hugs from clients and anyone who is not my husband or my nieces and nephews. Kisses from Ben or said nieces or nephews (no tongue from the kids thank you very much). Neither from strangers, creepy men or over anxious lesbians.

42. Chocolate or Vanilla?
Chocolate

43. Coffee or tea?
Coffee

45. When was the last time you cried?
This question weirds me out because everytime I see one of these things people always put "today" or "last night." Why are people crying so much??? I don't even know the last time I cried. Probably one year ago when my grandmother died.

46. What is under your bed?
Nothing. Maybe a lost cat toy.

47. What did you do last night?
Watched My Name is Earl, Kath and Kim, The Office, 30 Rock and Celebrity Rehab. Thursdays are a t.v. night and no one better interupt.

48. What are you afraid of?
Being sterile. Ben being sterile. Being murdered. I watch a lot of cold case files and American Justice. It gets my imagination working in overtime.

49. Salty or sweet?
Sweet. Give me dessert over anything.

51. Favorite sound?
Opening theme song to Golden Girls "Thank you for being a friend. Travel down the road and back again..."

52. Favorite day of the week?
Friday at about 6:00 p.m.

53. How many towns have you lived in?
5, I think.

54. Do you make friends easily?
Yes but I can be picky. I mean, I do have a 6 month waiting list so I have to weed out the weak and un-funny. Seriously though, I love people and being social but sometimes people get on my nerves. If someone doesn't have a sense of humor, I just don't have time to sit around being bored with you. Is that mean? Don't hate. Like you aren't thinking the same thing about your friends choice.

A Few Stories on Life (or Sexdrive, Waffle House and that Biyotch D. Brown)

Life has been extremely busy lately. Our house is officially on the market as of Friday. We hate having to attempt a sell in this market but we have no choice. We are putting the house on the market in November to, hopefully, have it sold by May. SAD! You can see pictures of the house at goldenkeyrealty.net, click on "Our Agents" and then click on "Janice Stefanski." Scroll down the page to her listings and click on "108 Cello Lane."
I went to Mentone Alabama to meet my mother and her friends who were staying in a cabin for the week. We had a great time relaxing and enjoying the beautiful fall weather. Mentone is a gorgeous town and it was great to see my mom.
Here are some funny (at least to Ben and me) things that have happened over the last couple of weeks. If these stories don't translate well, sorry in advance.

Ben and I were at the new Leonardo DiCaprio movie "Body of Lies" with our friends Tucker and Erika. There were three older couples, in their mid-60's, sitting a few rows in front of us and to the left. The movie had not started yet and everyone was sitting around talking. One of the older gentlemen walk into the theater and sits down with this group. He has a bag of popcorn in his hands and he turns around and says to the group, "I walked into the wrong theater. I was sitting there watching some movie called Sexdrive." This is funny to me for three obvious reasons. One, could an old man not accidently walk into a more perfect/funny name for a movie!? Two, how do you sit in a movie like Sexdrive and not realize you are not watching a gritty terrorist movie like Body of Lies? And three, did he not notice the fact that he didn't know anyone else in the theater even though, when he walked out of Body of Lies, he was sitting with 5 other people he obviously knew? I picture him walking into Sexdrive, not see his group and thinking "screw 'em, I've got the popcorn and I'm gonna sit right here."

Ben and I were eating brunch at the Waffle House which, as white trash as this may be, we really love the Waffle House. Our waitress's teeth were so dirty and infected with disease, Ben could barely get his hash browns down. The funny part is that these two wiggers walked in, sat at the counter and as they looked over the menu one says to the other "I ain't gonna eat. I'm just here to get my draaank on."

Ben and I were going through the drive through at Taco Bell. The worker comes on the speaker and says "Hello, welcome to Taco Bell. Are you ready to order?" Ben says "Hold on just a second." The worker says "Sure. Just say 'Taco' when you are ready." We look at each other and I say "Did he just say "say Taco" when you are ready?" We laugh and I tell Ben he has to say it and Ben agrees. When we are ready, Ben says "Taco!" We then get to the window, he gives us our order (which was right for the first time ever at that place) and when the transaction ended he says "Have a taco of a night!" Which we responded "Thanks, we will!" And we did.

When I was a kid and I would see a dirty car, the cool thing to write on the back window is "Wash Me." Right? Well, times have apparently changed. Ben and I were driving down the road and we look over at a dirty car and some kid has written on the dirty back window "D. Brown is da man, biyotch." Times, they are a changin...