The Mis-Adventures of Penelope Grant

Greetings! It's been awhile since I last posted so I thought I would greet you with a beautiful beach, my cute little toe-headed nephew and me of course!

Can I just say how disappointed and hurt I am that my previous post only received two comments. That is an all time record low for "Macon Fun of the Grants." I have always prided myself with having the most loyal readers but I feel you have all failed me, except for Sam and I guess Taylor even though his post was somewhat rude and condescending. The rest of you can suck it.

So, I was sitting here trying to think of something to write about and decided to google "good blog topics." Up came websites that list "interesting" topics for your blogs. Maybe the problem is that I'm not interesting therefore these topics bored the crap out me so I will just let you be the judge.
Here are a few samples of some "interesting" blog topics:
1. Ask your loyal readers to email you links to their best resources and make a post about what you found.

My "loyal readers" have serious issues with commenting so this would never work for me...

2. Make a post that involves New York City, London, San Francisco or Sydney

Huhh....???

3. Create a post that utilizes a bar chart or pie chart.

Ok, seriously. Huhh...????

4. Create a post that incorporates the words, “desperate” and “futile”.

Hmmm, I think I could do that.

5. Make a post turning a negative into a positive through humor ( e.g., tell a joke: “My parents tell me I’m autistic. I tell them they have an attitude problem.”).

My personal favorite, however, I don't think I could ever be as funny as this zainy one liner!

Ok... what now. Oh! Here is the latest update featuring our favorite little kitty, Penelope. To catch you up or just remind you, Penelope has torn up our carpet to the point that we have had to put packaging tape under all the doors and on the seams where the carpet meets the tile. She has diarrhea-ed all over our floors and walls for 5 days straight. Nurses on our faces at night. Spilled water all over my new keyboard and broke it. Well, I have something else to add to this list.
Exhibit A:

I woke up and walked into the living room without my glasses or contacts on so I wasn't quite sure what I was looking at (I'm seriously blind without some sort of corrective lenses) but I thought it must be shredded carpet. All I could see were spots on the carpet and tile. I screamed out of fear of the bald spot in the carpet I knew I was about to see...


I then kneel down a good 2 inches from the carpet so I could get a good look and feel very confused as to what I was seeing. "Are those...feathers?" I ask aloud. I then look up and see a black spot on the tile, under the oven. I run back to my bedroom to get my glasses and run back out to the kitchen and I scream!! It's a freakin half eaten bird lying on my newly mopped kitchen floor. I stand there wondering what I am supposed to do??! I call Ben but he is in class and doesn't answer. I then call my mom and yell in the phone that I have a dead bird who obviously had a struggle in my living room and kitchen considering her feathers were everywhere! My mom told me to pick up the bird and put it in a sack. I asked "How am I supposed to get the bird in the sack?" Mom says "You pick it up by the foot and put in the sack. What kind of question is that, how do I put it in the sack?" She then asked "Who do you think did this?" Oh, I don't THINK I know who did this. I KNOW who did this. Fitz has never, in the 7 years as my child, killed any living creature. True, he is 17 pounds on a good day and I think Ben could probably out run him in a contest but I still don't think he would ever lower himself to eat something dead. I will say, as I was cleaning up Penelope's trophy I saw a glimmer of respect from Fitz towards Penelope. He seemed almost proud of her and even allowed her on the counter near his food without hissing even once. In all honesty, I was kind of disappointed in his attitude but that's another story. I just thought I raised him better then that... Oh, and I didn't touch that nasty bird. I got a piece of paper and swept into the Kroger sack. Penelope then jumped in the sack with the bird as it was lying on the floor as I swept up the feathers. She is so ghetto it's not even funny.

The proud older brother. He even let her sleep with him in his chair.

Tired after her kill. It's hard to be a gangsta...


One more thing. I don't think this could be re-created if you tried 100 times. This is a fly that was killed by the closet door being shut. So weird.

Eyepatch and Saggy Boobs in a Holly Bush...

I have a client who is a 13 year old boy. He is autisic, blind and ADHD. He attends The Georgia Blind Academy which is a really great school for the blind. Anyway, since my client is developmentally disabled, he is way behind on learning how to walk with a cane so he uses a pre-cane. The pre-cane has two wheels and a handle so they can push it and it will hit say, a wall (or a bush in this case), before they do. I was walking with my client and his teacher one day last week and we were talking and watching him walk with his pre-cane. I see him veer to the left where a row of big bushes line the building. I begin to get a little nervous when I look at the bushes he is about to fall into and all I see are the unmistakeable pokey spikes of the holly bush. Now, I have thrown my sister, Heather, into a holly bush and 8 years later she retaliated and threw me into one so trust me when I say, you don't want to end up face down in one these suckers. The teacher reaches out and puts him back on the path and away from the bushes before he can actually fall into them but I think this begs the question: Who, when designing the landscaping for a school full of BLIND kids who, by the way are LEARNING how to get around their environment, would think "holly bushes!? Why yes, of course!! Who can resist their bright red berries and green leaves." Blind academy, people...School for the BLIND.

In my previous post, I wrote about my experience with the cupid shuffle. I think I actually referred to it as the cubic slide but, whatever. Unfortunately, I did not get video of Ben and myself doing this dance but I found a couple of videos that will give you the same effect. What you need to do is picture the first video (MSU Greek Show) and then add the Granny doing the "One Eyed Shuffle" into the MSU group and, bwa-la, you have our Friday night a week ago! The first one represents everyone at the party except for Ben and me. And yes, they really were as good as the people in the video. The second, well, that's me. Eyepatch and saggy boobs included...