Mean Girls, Stray Cats, and Netflix Ques...

Well, it's been a little over two weeks since Ben left for Texas but it feels much longer. The separation is difficult for several reasons. One, I love Ben and always enjoy spending time with him and I miss him when he isn't here. Life is just more fun when he is around. Two, he is living with my parents and, honestly, I would like to be living with my parents too. The three of them are always going places and having fun and I feel left out. I sometimes think of them as the "Mean Girls" even though there is technically only one girl in their clique. They leave me out and hang up the phone when talking to me so they can go shopping or eat out, so to me, they are the Mean Girls. Also, I am obsessed with these two stray cats that have been coming around my parents house for awhile so I call throughout the day to get hourly updates. I got attached when I was there beginning of May when I realized one of the cats was pregnant. She has been sick and now she has been missing for two days. The other stray has been coming around for a couple of years to eat but won't let anyone touch it. This cat is thug. I saw him walk across the street, get pecked by birds and just keep on moving like he wasn't even feeling it. If that ain't thug, I don't know what is. There is a bird around here that pecks Fitz (this must be birthing season for birds or something) and he ducks and meows and runs back into the house. So yes, these stray cats are part of what makes this separation so difficult. Third, my brother and sister and their families are all moving to Abilene in the month of June. So, my entire family, with my sweet little nieces and nephews, will all be there and I am in Georgia. So, to pass the time this summer, I have joined a fitness boot camp which kicks my butt! My entire body, even my feet, are sore. I have also motified our Netflix que to all chick flicks that Ben would never want to watch. Here is the list of movies in my que at this time:
Lars and the Real Girl
P.S. I love You
Catch and Release
Under the Tuscan Sun
Must Love Dogs
Atonement
We Are Marshall (Ben thinks this is the most random movie on the que)
Maude Seasons 1,2,3 (Bea Arthur from the Golden Girls stars. You know it.)
Dan in Real Life
Out of Africa
In Her Shoes
The Holiday
The Other Boleyn Girl

Wow, how embarrassing. Let me just say I would never be watching these movies if I weren't alone this summer. These really aren't my type of movies that I tend to enjoy. I just thought I would endulge myself since I would never watch these movies with Ben around. You might be asking, "Then why are you watching them now if they aren't even your type of movies?" My answer, "Because I'm thirty, flirty and thriving..." (Name that chick flick. Come on Ben and Taylor, you know you can!)

I am also keeping myself busy with my recipes. I have been retyping them and putting them in a notebook, in alphabetical order. Wow, how embarrassing.

The "Plastics"



My nieces and nephews who Ben will get to see daily and I won't.
Mitchell and Nathan

Kate

Mason

Anna

Well, in June I will be in Texas for 10 days which I am very excited about. Ben's younger brother Daniel is getting married in Austin the last weekend of June so I will be there for that. Then I will be in Abilene for awhile and then on to Leakey to tube the river with my brother and his family (they have a cabin in Leakey) which Ben and I love to do every July 4th. Then in July I will be in West Palm Beach Florida with my entire family (minus Ben, he has to work) so don't worry, I will actually have more interesting posts in the future. Until then, you are stuck with recipe stories and Netflix ques.

Strangest Marketing Tool...Ever

So, I was driving down I-75 and looked up to read a billboard. It was the strangest most confusing billboard I think I have ever read.

Cafe' Erotica: 10 Beautiful Strippers and 1 Ugly Stripper!

A couple of questions:
1. Why would you interview and eventually hire an ugly woman to work in your strip club?
2. When coming up with your marketing tool, why is your token, ugly stripper the hidden treasure that is, for sure, going to lure men into your club?

I like to think the meeting with the marketing team went something like this:

Marketing Team (M.T.): So, let's think of something about your club that is special and unique. Something that will really bring in the customers. How's your bar? Maybe a good wine list or large beer selection?

Club Owner: Nooo... We, uh, actually lost our liquor license last year due to a little "incident" (finger quotes) so I guess you could say we are BYOB (finger quotes) at this point.

M.T.: Ok, Ok. Well... how about your D.J.? Would you say your D.J. plays good music that can really get the crowd pumped?

Club Owner: Nooo....Noooo...I would actually not say that. Our D.J. struggles a little with his music selections.

M.T.: Hmmmm...Well, what about your dancers? Are they especially beautiful or exotic in any way?

Club Owner: Oh yes. Our girls are very pretty. Well... all except for 1. Yeah, one of our dancers is fugly. I mean a reeeaaal butterface.

M.T.: A butterface?!! A really fugly girl!!? Well why didn't you say so!!

I think the "and 1 Ugly Stripper" looks something like this woman.




Let me just say that when I worked for Child Protective Services, I had several moms who worked for Cafe' Erotica so, trust me when I say, there's more then just "and 1 Ugly Stripper."

Last thought: Don't you think the dancers sat around wondering who the ugly stripper was that was being advertised on their billboard?? I wonder if a customer ever walked in asking, specifically, for the ugly one! I freakin love it!!

Family Tribute Series: Benjamin Grant

So, my wonderful husband has left me. That didn't come out right. Ben is working in Abilene this summer at a law firm so, technically he has left me but it's for a good cause. We really want to return to Texas after Ben graduates from law school so this is the best way to make that happen. Ben will be in Abilene until August 1st which TOTALLY sucks but I have several trips planned this summer to see him so, we'll make it work. May 8th we traveled 16 hours (one way) by car to Abilene but made a stop in Atlanta that night for a Radiohead concert. Radiohead rocks my world and apparently all 20-something, pot smoking, hippies worlds as well. I have no problem with the hippies. I have always loved hippie men with long hair. Throw in some dreadlocks and maybe even a little grundge under their armpits and that would perfectly describe all of my boyfriends from age 18 to say 25 (yes, you finally have your answer as to why I was not married until I was almost 27). But I digress. When I first met Ben, he was playing in a band at a small folk festival in Abilene, TX. The band was named "Ben Blake and the Latter Day Saints" and the reason I came to hear them play, you might ask? Well, I was told by my good friend Amanda Musick that they, and I quote "Are really, really bad. You have to come and hear this!" So, 11:00 a.m. on the second stage, I came to hear "Ben Blake and the Latter Day Saints." They weren't terrible which made me quite disappointed but they weren't good either. There was an exceptionally bad piano solo by the lead singer (not Ben Grant) which made me laugh (at them, not with them). After the concert ended Amanda introduced me to Ben. He had long hair and that "hippie vibe" so I, of course, thought he was really good looking. Fast forward a couple of months later and I was at a party with Amanda and, again, saw Ben. I remembered him and still thought he was really cute. Someone asked if we knew each other and I said "yeah, we've met" at the same time Ben said "No, we've never met." In my mind, I'm thinking "Who does he think he is??" Ben swears to this day that he does not remember meeting me at the folk festival. Anyway, we talked for a good 30 minutes that night and then went our separate ways. Fast forward ONE MONTH. I meet Ben again at a going away party for a mutual friend. Ben, once again, does not know who I am. This time, I'm thinking "This dude is just plain stupid because he has got to at least recognize my face!" Ben says he did remember my face but couldn't place where he met me and even if he did meet me. So, his pick up line at the going away party? "How's your Christmas?" And the rest is history.

Now, since this is a tribute to Ben I will get into the "nice" part of my blog. Let me say, I loved being single before meeting Ben. I dated a lot but still liked my independence and I was always a little scared of marriage. I don't know why I felt that way since my parents have a great marriage but I would see everyone around me divorcing and, since I don't believe in divorce, I knew the man I married had to be incredible before I would take that major step. Here is a Top Ten List of some of my favorite things about Ben.

10. Ben can answer just about any "Golden Girl" trivia question I throw at him.
9. Ben has a voice for our dog and our cat.
8. Ben will sit and watch Golden Girls, Step It Up and Dance, Project Runway, and Small People, Big World and NEVER complain.
7. Ben loves my family as though it was the family he was born into. He is especially good with my nieces and nephews who have always been very important to me. I think they love him now more then they love me (and they love me a lot).
6. Ben is funny. I don't think many people are funny but he makes me laugh everyday.
5. When I throw cold water on him in the shower, he rarely tries to get me back.
4. Ben worries about our cat Fitzgerald when he goes outside. When Fitz won't come back in, I say "screw him" but Ben will worry and wait up until Fitz finally decides to come in the house.
3. Ben dances for me. Ballet, jazz, hip-hop, you name it, he's got a dance for it.
2. Before Ben started law school and had free time at night, he would blow dry my hair for me when I didn't feel like it.
1. Ben is a good Christian man who I know will be an amazing father to our kids if we ever have any. If we are not blessed to have them, he will be an amazing father to Eleanor, Fitzgerald and the 10 cats we will end up with to fill the void...

These pictures are to show my readers how happy Ben is and has always been. Even his baby pictures show him smiling. So cute!

Ben and I on a cruise with my mom and dad


See, he's smiling and didn't even know the pictures was being taken


Wearing glasses and still smiling


A little evil but a smile still


"I drink out of a green sippy cup. (smile)."


"We wear matching sailor outfits. (smile)"


"My dad's shirt is so busy I feel cross-eyed (smile)"


I got nothing for this one. I just thought he looked really cute.


Me, Ben, Tucker and Erika at the Radiohead concert. That's right, full body ponchos.


Ben and I at the Radiohead concert


And now for your listening pleasure, just a sample of the greatness we got to experience.

Deep Thoughts, By Jack Handey...

Ok, not deep thoughts but I love vintage SNL so, what I can say, I went with it. I have had serious writer's block lately so I decided I would just post some random thoughts about some pictures I was looking through.

Makinzie Conley (Makinzie Heard, she'll always be Conley to me) and I were in New York City our freshman year of high school on a choir trip. We were on this cruise that went around Manhattan and there was a German tour group on this cruise as well. On one row, there were two German men, Makinzie and then me. One of them asked Makinzie if I was Cindy Crawford and in true Kinzie fashion, she said "Why yes, she is Cindy Crawford." The man then hands her a business card and asked if he could have my autograph. Makinzie hands me the business card and, through clinched teeth, mutters "They think you're Cindy Crawford. Sign it Cindy Crawford." I wasn't really sure what was going on but I liked what I had heard so I played along. As the night wore on, I was getting my picture taken with these tourists, the rest of the choir kids were playing along and I even overheard one German taking a video of me and saying into the microphone of his camcorder, "Deees ees Cindy Crrrawford and arrrround her are the crrrrazy Amereecans." Now, I tell this story because, at the time, I thought, yeah I could totally pass for Cindy Crawford but 13 years later I look at the below picture and I can't help but wonder what and how many pills these Germans must have been on...



Fast Forward one year. Makinzie and I took this picture for a friend of ours. I don't remember the circumstances behind it, who took the picture and why we were trying to look so serious and yet so sexy all at the same time. Ben once asked me, "ya'll took this picture as a joke right??" I had to admit that no, we were serious as a heartattack while taking this picture. High school kids take themselves so serious sometimes and when that high school kid grows up into a self-depricating 28 year old woman, she pays the price by this piece of embarrassment. Unfortunately, Kinzie pays for it also...



Last fall, I signed up to help serve at a dinner and auction fundraiser for the private school that shares a building with our church. After I agreed to help, I was told we had to wear "uniforms." I knew before I even heard what the uniform was that I was going to regret signing up for this and I was right: black pants, black shoes, white button down shirt and...a tie. I am serious when I say I told Ben the night of the dinner that I was dropping out because of this whole tie business! Ben thought I should wear a "baby tie" because it's more "feminine." He proceeded to tie the baby tie to prove his point. I know it sounds like he was just trying to be helpful but that really was not the case. He just wanted to see me squirm in this baby tie and then take my picture for his own enjoyment. Oh, who am I kidding, I thought it was hilarious. For some reason, I felt very trendy yet very lesbian. FYI-I did not drop out but I waited until the last minute to put on the tie and no, I didn't wear the baby tie.



Last fall we went to South Georgia with our friends Letson and Laura. Letson is the youth minister at our church and he was taking a few kids camping so Ben, Eleanor and I tagged along. We were at this state park, walking around when we saw this sign posted by some water which begs the question, what kind of perverts actually live in South Georgia?"



Same trip as above. Letson, Laura, Ben and I were trying to take a picture when this high school kid thought it would be funny to jump into the picture. Kids between the ages of 12 to about 18 annoy the crap out of me...